I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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