I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
