So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
