I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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