mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You are a genius and a whore.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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