I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
