God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
