So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
from now on my penis is your penis
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
