He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
