it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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