i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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