I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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