Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
