did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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