TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
