Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
