just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
