I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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