my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
