Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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