I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
