just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
