my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
