ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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