Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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