I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
