so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
