your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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