What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
