one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
