so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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