there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
