I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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