If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
BRING THE BAGELS
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
