I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
