who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's not cheating when I paid for it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
