i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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