You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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