I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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