3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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