we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
