I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
