ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
