FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we're so committed to being not committed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
