i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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