i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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