yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
