What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
false alarm, still single
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
