I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
