I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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