you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
