I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
